A Very Male Problem
by Thaena
Summary: Uh oh! Johnny's in trouble again..but it's Roy and Jo who end up in the principal's office. In his over-eager desire to help, what has Johnny done now?


Disclaimer—Nothing from the Emergency TV series belongs to me. I get no monetary profit from any of this. The main characters are not mine but the OC characters and the story plots are.

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There's a lot of really heavy stories on right now with a lot of hurt and angst. So as a holiday treat and my thanks to you, I pulled this little treat out to publish here. Hope you all have a great holiday weekend.

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A Very Male Problem

"Chris?"

The deep voice startled the boy, causing him to fall from the top of the deck railing where he perched. Strong arms caught him, stopping his downward progress. For a second he forgot he was almost a man and therefore not into the mushy touchy-feely stuff anymore. Being held close in muscular arms to a male chest felt good, made his current problems seem not so overwhelming. He allowed his arms to go around his rescuer's neck in a quick hug. A chuckle echoed through the chest his head leaned against as he was hoisted a little higher. "Whoa there, kiddo. I don't think your dad lets you sit up there for just that reason."

The moment was over and Chris pushed away. "Aww, Uncle Johnny. You're not gonna tell them are ya?" He pulled back to look up into his father's partner's face. John Gage had known him since forever, had been a welcomed fixture around the DeSoto household and a trusted friend to all its members. Enough so that within a year of their father taking the younger man as partner, the kids had dubbed him "Uncle".

Johnny grinned at the boy and ruffled his hair with his left hand as his right arm guided the boy back to the deck. "Well, maybe not. If you promise to be more careful. I respond to enough 'child down' calls at work, I'd rather not hafta on my off hours."

Chris grinned his thanks and nodded, "Ok Uncle Johnny. I'll be careful." He knew that many of his parent's rules came from stuff they'd seen happen to other kids and he knew that he'd be in big trouble if they found out. But Uncle Johnny was cool. He wasn't as paranoid as his mom and dad. A guy could talk to Uncle Johnny, a guy could . . . Hey!!

"So, what was with the long face?" John's voice broke through the thoughts just starting in Chris's brain. Chris looked up. "Huh?"

Johnny smiled, "I said, what was with the face? You looked like you were tryin' ta solve the world's problem before you took that leap."

Chris shrugged slightly, "Not really. I . ." He paused, looking up into the concerned brown eyes looking down at him. Yeah, Uncle Johnny was cool. Maybe he could help. As Chris pondered his next move, Johnny said, "Maybe it's something I can help with?"

Making a quick decision Chris nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."

Silence reigned while Chris tried to put his trouble into words. Finally he sighed, "There are these guys at school and . . ."

Johnny sat on the rail and nodded his head in a knowing manner but kept silent. Suddenly the thoughts and words all came together into a tumble out of Chris's mouth.

"They say I have a sissy name. They say it's a girls name so I must really be a girl. I told them my name's Chris like my Uncle Christopher but they just laugh and say no it's not, it's Chris like Chrissy Smith's name. She's a girl so I must be. All the other Chris' are girls. I hate them. They're always so mean." He looked up, waiting to see what this adult would tell him. Would he tell him to just ignore the others like his mother did? Or would he say to just walk away like his dad had suggested?

Johnny looked into the serious blue eyes of his partner's son and realized he was somehow being weighed. He thought about what the boy had told him and then he thought about the teasing he'd received so many times himself. He knew most adults would tell a child to ignore it but he knew that that was easier said then done. He smiled slightly and said, "Well, now mind you, this is only my opinion, but . . ."

Chris leaned forward expectantly. So far, Uncle Johnny hadn't said anything like his parents. He listened with rapt attention to all the paramedic had to say, a growing excitement in his chest.

* * *

Three days later, Johnny walked into the locker room and opened his door as he called out a cheerful greeting to his shiftmates.

"Hey, John, how were your days off?" Marco asked as he finished tying his shoes.

"Fine, fine." Johnny replied as he tugged his shirt from his pants.

"Didn't you watch Roy's kids for him this break?" Marco remembered something about the DeSoto's having free tickets to a movie première and Johnny insisting they go, even volunteering himself as sitter for the kids.

"Yeap I did. Roy and Jo really liked the movie too." Johnny answered as he replaced his jeans with his workpants.

"So you didn't burn down the house or lose any of the kids or anything like that? Chet teased the dark haired man.

Johnny scowled at his insistent tormentor. "No, Chet, nothing happened." He stopped tucking his shirt in as he asked, "Why?"

Chet shrugged nonchalantly, "Oh, I just thought that might be the reason DeSoto looks like he'd like to break something or someone and practically screamed at us to let him know the second you got in." Chet patted the now pale paramedic on the shoulder as he walked out, "Way ta go, Gagy-baby."

"But I didn't . . " Johnny called after the laughing man then spun on his heel and looked beseechingly at Marco who had just closed his locker. "I didn't do anything!" Marco merely shrugged as he walked out. Johnny turned to the last man still in the locker room. "Mike? Is . . .is Roy really mad?"

Mike placed a comforting hand on the paramedic's shoulder. "He didn't look happy," was his only comment. Johnny hung his head and sighed, his mind whirling as he tried recalling everything he's said and done since the last shift. He slowly finished dressing and glanced at his watch. He had plenty of time before roll call. A glance out into the bay showed the engine and squad still gone. He sighed again and reluctantly moved toward the dayroom where he knew the others would be waiting. "Best get this over with." He mumbled as he walked toward the door. He straightened his shoulders and pasted a smile on his face as he entered, heading quickly for the coffee pot. He poured himself a cup, nodded at Cap then asked, "Any one want more?" The others shook their heads in the negative but Roy kept his back to his partner.

"Roy? You want more?" Johnny couldn't keep the hopeful note out of his voice. Roy answered with a curt, "No" and stayed as he was, eyes glued to the newspaper in his hands. Johnny slowly replaced the pot on the stove, pulled out a chair and dropped into it, his eyes down, his hands toying with the cup. Chet's eyes shone eagerly as he looked from one to the other. "See Gage," He gloated then turned toward Roy. "So, spill it man. What bone-headed thing did your absent-minded partner do? Huh?"

Johnny felt his face flush as he adamantly denied, "I didn't do anything!"

This time Roy looked up directly at his partner and the look in the blue eyes cut Johnny to the quick. He winced and dropped his head. Chet crowed with victory. "I knew it! He did something really bad didn't he? Didn't he?" he leaned forward, "So what'd he do? Have a couple of girls over and forget all about the kids?? Get drunk and pass out in the living room? Set fire to the kitchen? What'd he do?"

Roy looked startled at the short Irishman's suggestions. "Chet! There's no way Johnny would do something like that! And definitely not when he's entrusted with my kids!" To say he was shocked by Chet's suppositions was mild. Chet merely shrugged, "Well he musta done something just as horrid from the way you're acting. So. Come on! Spill! Whadde do?"

For the first time Roy took stock around him. Each of his shiftmates leaned a little closer to him, Chet's face clearly eager to get the dirt on Gage, Marco and Mike showing concern and Johnny, well . . . He looked closer at his partner, noticing the younger man sat slumped in his chair, eyes cast downward, face frowning, shoulders drooped, looking miserable and dejected. Roy thought about the way he'd entered the station this morning, about the bitter words he'd rehearsed on the way in that he'd fully intended to spew at his partner as soon as he saw him. Now suddenly they seemed so hurtful and unnecessarily over exaggerated.

Johnny hadn't done anything like what Chet had suggested. Roy remembered the parting words his wife gave him as she kissed him out the door. "Roy, mind your temper. Don't be too hard on Johnny." Then she smiled, her eyes twinkling, "Besides, it's kinda funny." At the time he couldn't disagree with her more but now, looking at his forlorn friend and Chet's expectant face, he could see the humor in the situation.

Johnny felt his partner's eyes on him and slowly raised his head. He saw the mixture of emotions flowing over Roy's face and swallowed hard. In a low voice he said, "I'm sorry. For whatever it is I did, Roy, ya gotta believe me, I'm sorry." He pushed back his chair and stood, turning to leave. A hand on his arm stopped him and he looked over.

Roy sighed, "No Johnny. **I'm** sorry. It . . . it wasn't really that bad. I guess I just got . . .well, just. . . " He pulled on Johnny's arm and Johnny sat back down, concern covering his face. "What Roy. What happened?"

Roy gave Johnny's arm a pat then reached for his coffee cup. He took a long drink before he faced Chet. "Johnny didn't do anything while he was babysitting my kids other than give them the best care they could have had."

Chet sat back disappointed while Mike and Marco exchanged relieved smiles.

"But the way you were acting," Chet insisted, "The way you growled 'Let me know the minute that garrulous partner of mine shows his face', ya gotta admit . . ."

Johnny's eyebrows shot up, "Garrulous. Roy, did the kids repeat something I said? I don't remember saying anything out of line. Is that what happened?" Roy raised a hand, halting any more words. "Yeah, yeah Chet, I did say that and I was a little upset. But . . ' He sighed.

Cap, who until this moment had been silent now gave his two cents worth. He knew his two paramedics needed to clear the air, so to speak, before work really started. "Why don't you start at the beginning, Roy?"

Roy nodded and turned back to his partner. "Johnny, do you remember having a little heart to heart with Chris?" He asked. Johnny frowned, "Yeah, he said he'd been having some trouble at school." The eyebrows shot upward again, "Oh no! He didn't start a . . . " Roy cut him off with a hand motion. "No Johnny." He gave a chuckle then sighed. "Well, I guess Chris went to school the next day and did exactly as you told him."

Johnny nodded, "And?"

Roy took another drink, "And the next morning, yesterday as a matter of fact, we got a call from the principal. Seemed he wanted to meet with us and Chris that afternoon."

Johnny slumped down in his chair, his hand over his face as he groaned, "Oh Roy. Me and my big mouth. I should've just . . ." Roy's hand on his arm caused him to stop speaking. The dark haired man looked up at his friend and saw the beginning of a twinkle in his eyes. Bewildered now, he sat back up again, ready to listen to the rest of the story.

As Roy recalled the details of the previous day and saw his friends' reactions, he had to admit, the situation was getting funnier the more he thought it over. He looked at his shiftmates and saw he had all five men's undivided attention. With a lighter note in his voice, he continued,

* * *

Roy stalked angrily through the grade school's corridors, both children and teachers taking one look at his scowling face and scampered quickly out of his way. He looked at Jo as they both stopped in front of the door clearly marked Dr. William Parker—Principal. He gave his wife's shoulder a brief squeeze then knocked. "Come in." Declared the deep voice from the other side. They entered and walked forward. Roy was immediately aware of the other people in the room as well as the principal—Chris. Dr. Parker stood up and held out his hand, "Mr. and Mrs. DeSoto, I'm Dr. Parker. This is Mr. Tilton and his son Joe," he motioned toward a frowning man in a business suit and a sullen freckled faced red headed boy by his side. Both Roy and Jo nodded back to the brief nod the man gave them. Dr. Parker motioned toward the others, "And this is Mr. and Mrs. Hodges and their son Roger." This time the wife gave a brief timid smile, the boy looked nervously anywhere but at adults while the father straightened his tie without acknowledging them. Dr. Parker looked at the man a moment longer then smiled at the DeSotos. "Please, have a seat next to Chris." Roy and Jo had barely done so before Hodges jumped up and began. "Enough with the pleasantries, I demand you do something about that foul mouthed child!"

Roy and Jo exchanged looks as Dr. Parker raised his hand, "Please sit Mr. Hodges. That is one of the reasons for this meeting. Now, first we need to learn exactly what happened."

"We know what happened!" Hodges exclaimed again, as he pointed to Chris, "That little foul mouthed hooligan has been spouting unthinkable words at my son!" Dr. Parker looked sharply at the man who sat back down again but not before glaring openly at Chris. "Since you are so eager to speak why don't you go first?" Dr. Parker said calmly.

Hodges gave a curt nod and straightened his suit jacket. "I came home yesterday to find my wife in tears, in tears mind you! She said that Roger had come home from school in a terrible state, all upset about some nasty things that one said." He pointed his finger again at Chris who by now was pale and shaking. The angry man looked at Roy, "I don't know or care how you speak around your house, but you should teach your son to at least have the respect to speak well to decent people."

Roy felt his own face flush as Jo laid a calming hand on his shoulder while Dr. Parker again spoke to Hodges. Roy listened with clenched teeth as Mr. Tilton relayed a similar tale. Both Roger and Joe spoke about the horrible words used by Chris that they admitted they were too embarrassed to even speak out loud. Roger looked smugly at Chris as he said, "I know in my house if my father heard such words, he'd have washed my mouth out. I'm too much a gentleman to repeat such trash."

Chris made a disgusted noise and Roy didn't miss the look of pride young Roger exchanged with his father. "I wonder how he learned that phrase, " he muttered as Jo elbowed him.

Dr. Parker then turned to Chris, giving a supportive smile as he asked, "Alright Chris, we've heard what Joe and Roger had to say, now how about you tell your side of the story." Chris looked briefly up at his parents and after receiving their encouraging nods began. "Roger and Joey have been making fun of my name, calling me a sissy and saying I have a girl's name because the only other Chrises in our class are all girls. They've been calling me names since school started."

"I see, " Dr. Parker nodded, a quick glance at the other two boys guilty looks confirmed this. "Go on."

Chris shifted a little in his seat, "Well, the other night while my Mom and Dad were out, my Uncle Johnny came over to watch us. My Uncle Johnny is really cool and I thought he might have a better idea on what ta do then Mom or Dad cause Mom just said ignore them and Dad said walk away and I tried that but it didn't work. So I asked Uncle Johnny." Roy couldn't help give a small groan even if it earned him another elbow from Jo. Hodges jumped on that immediately, "Johnny, who's this Johnny? Is he the one who taught you all those horrid words??"

Roy looked at Dr. Parker, "He means my partner, John Gage."

"Partner! What kind of partner? Just what kind of household you running over there, DeSoto?" Hodges face was red. Roy felt his blood pressure rise but before he could say a word Chris jumped up, yelling, "You leave my Uncle Johnny out of this! My Uncle Johnny is a fireman and a paramedic just like my dad. He saves people's lives and he's a really good guy!"

Hodges nodded in a knowing manner that made Roy want nothing more then to haul off and smack the guy. "Ah, I understand now. A fireman. Everyone knows their vocabulary is only second to a sailor's. That explains it all!"

"No, Mr. Hodges, that explains nothing." Roy heard his voice and marveled at how calm it sounded. "John Gage behavior is that of a perfect gentleman whether he is attending a patient or taking care of my kids. I'm sure that whatever my son said to yours it was nothing he heard from my partner."

Chris looked at his father questioningly, "But Dad. It was! I repeated the words just like Uncle Johnny had me rehearse." Roy looked shocked, Jo's hand flew to her mouth, and Hodges looked victorious. But before he could add anything else, Dr. Parker stepped in.

"Suppose you tell me exactly what this Uncle Johnny told you to say, Chris."

* * *

"After they all heard what Chris had to say, they couldn't leave the office fast enough." Roy chuckled. "When I last saw Mr. and Mrs. Hodges they each had young Roger by an arm and were practically dragging him to their car. Mr. Tilton did apologize to me and Jo and had Joey apologize to Chris and promise he'd never make fun of his name again. The two boys have since set up a date to go to Scouts together tomorrow night. Dr. Parker apologized to us and especially to Chris and told him to tell his Uncle Johnny he was a quite an elocutionist." Roy paused in his story and looked at the five men around the table.

Johnny had collapsed forward, his arms folded on the tabletop, his head buried within them, hands on the back of his head -- his interlaced fingers nearly buried in his thick black hair. Every so often faint groaning noises could be heard coming from the younger paramedic. Mike and Marco's gaze kept traveling from one paramedic to the other as the tale unfolded. Chet leaned forward, eager for the end and he just knew more things to torment his favorite pigeon over. Cap looked sympathetically from Roy to John. As a father, he knew the feelings Roy would've had being called into the principal's office under such circumstances. However, in the he'd known Gage he knew that the young man held nothing but love and the upmost respect for the whole DeSoto family. "So, what was it Chris said?" he asked.

Roy nudged Johnny, a big grin on his face as his eyes now twinkled merrily. Now that he'd retold the whole tale, he realized how good it really was—minus the embarrassment of being called into your son's principal's office of course. When his first nudge got no response, he nudged his partner a little harder, rocking the younger man in his chair, "Come one Johnny, tell them. Tell them just like you told Chris."

A muffled sigh came from the buried paramedic but his quiet words were drowned out by the sound of the returning engine and squad. All leaned forward as Cap asked, "Would you repeat that, John?"

Johnny raised his head and straightened in his seat but kept his eyes on his hands, his face red with embarrassment, "I told him that next time they said he had a sissy name to tell them that "Unlike some Homo Erectus in the recent vicinity, I don't have to prove my masculinity to anyone."

A weary C shift entered the dayroom to find most of A shift's members in various stages of hysterical laughter. They exchanged confused glances then trudged slowly off to shower, change, and head home, chalking the actions up to just more weirdness that seemed to prevail from A shift.

The End

Thanks Audrey, for all the tales of you and your daughter shifted into stories about Jen and Johnny. I got to thinking that little boys come up with stuff also and little boys will ask other male role models around them things they won't discuss with their own parents. My sons grew up in a house filled with single sailors and marines. The circumstances of this tale are true, the names have been changed to protect one now grown son -- with a name common for either a boy or girl -- and one fast thinking sailor friend.


End file.
